It's one of the biggest questions people bring to counselling, although they don't always ask it out loud. Sometimes it arrives disguised as: "This might sound silly, but..." "I've never told anyone this before." "You can't tell anyone, can you?" Or my personal favourite: "You're not going to call the police if I say this, are you?" Let's clear something up straight away: counsellors are not sitting with one hand on the tissue box and the other hovering dramatically over the

“I don’t want to be a bother.” “I don’t want to put this on you.” “Other people have it worse.” “I should be able to deal with this myself.” “I’m probably being too much.” For some people, these thoughts can feel almost automatic. You may know, logically, that the people who care about you probably want to support you. You may even tell someone else that they should never feel guilty for needing help. And yet, when it comes to your own needs, something feels different. Asking

Have you ever noticed that you seem to become slightly different depending on who you're with? Perhaps you're confident and outspoken with close friends, but quiet and reserved in meetings. Maybe you're the organised one at work, the joker in your family, the calm one during a crisis, and the person who falls apart behind closed doors. If that sounds familiar, welcome to being human. Many people come to counselling worried that they're somehow "fake" because they behave diffe

One of the questions I’m asked surprisingly often is: “How long will I need to be in therapy?” And honestly? There isn’t a neat little answer. It would be lovely if therapy came with a little instruction label saying: “Take 12 sessions, twice daily, and you’ll be absolutely fine by Tuesday.” Unfortunately, humans are a little more complicated than that! The truth is, the length of time someone spends in therapy can vary enormously. For some people, a handful of sessions can p

Let’s be honest: life can be a bit much sometimes. Our minds are busy, our bodies are tense, our sleep has gone on strike, and somehow the washing machine has decided to make a noise that sounds like a helicopter taking off. When we’re struggling emotionally, counselling can be a really valuable place to start. Having someone listen without judgement, help us make sense of what’s going on, and gently untangle some of those complicated thoughts can make a real difference. But

There is something quite strange about social media. We can know, logically, that what we see online isn't the whole story. We know photographs can be edited, videos can be carefully planned, homes can be tidied before the camera comes out and that people generally choose to share the moments they want others to see. And yet, even when we know all of this, it can still affect how we feel about our own lives. We can scroll through our phones and see somebody's beautiful home,

“I know I need to look after myself, but I feel guilty when I do.” Perhaps you recognise that feeling. You finally say no to something you don't have the energy for, and instead of feeling relieved, you feel guilty. You take some time for yourself and immediately start thinking about everything else you should be doing. You prioritise your own needs and wonder whether you're being selfish. You spend the day resting, but struggle to actually relax because part of you is thinki

There is something nobody quite prepares you for when you start training to become a counsellor. You expect the reading. You expect the assignments. You expect the occasional existential crisis when you realise you have somehow managed to write 3,000 words about one sentence your tutor said six weeks ago. You expect to learn about theory, ethics, boundaries, transference, attachment and all those other words that suddenly become part of your everyday vocabulary. What you migh

“I’ll do it.” Even when you don't want to. Even when you're exhausted. Even when you already have too much on your plate. Even when a small part of you is screaming, “I really don't want to.” You might say yes because you don't want to disappoint someone. Because you don't want them to be angry. Because you worry they'll think you're selfish. Because saying no feels uncomfortable. Or perhaps because somewhere along the way, you learned that keeping other people happy was safe

There is something particularly strange about being ghosted by a counselling client. You have spent time sitting alongside someone’s thoughts, feelings, worries, relationships, fears and sometimes the parts of their life they haven't told many other people about. You have listened. You have wondered. You have built a relationship. You have perhaps watched them become a little more open, a little more hopeful, or a little more able to make sense of what is happening in their l

Every now and then, a client will pause, look at me nervously and say something like: “I need to tell you something…” Or: “I wasn't completely honest last week.” Often, they are expecting judgement. Sometimes, they are bracing themselves for disappointment. They may worry that I will see them differently, think less of them, or wonder why they didn't simply tell the truth in the first place. What they usually receive instead is curiosity. Because in therapy, the lie itself is

“I know this relationship isn’t good for me… so why is it so hard to leave?” It’s a question I hear more often than you might imagine. Many people come to therapy feeling confused about a relationship they know is hurting them. They may have left several times before returning. They might feel embarrassed that they miss someone who has caused them pain, or wonder why they can’t simply “move on.” They may even find themselves thinking: “Why do I keep going back?” “Why do I sti

Let's talk about something that many people in therapy think about, but don't always say out loud. “How very dare my therapist have a holiday.” If you've ever looked at your therapist and thought: “Excuse me? You're taking two weeks off? At the exact moment I need you the most?” You are absolutely not alone. And yes, therapists do occasionally go on holiday. I know. Outrageous. Breaks in therapy can bring up all sorts of feelings. Some people barely notice them. Others find t

There’s something rather funny about our relationship with the British weather. We spend months wishing for sunshine. Then the sunshine arrives. And after a few weeks of heatwaves, restless nights, crispy grass and absolutely no sign of rain, we're standing in front of the fan whispering: “I miss autumn.” Suddenly, we're dreaming about jumpers. Rain against the windows. Cold mornings. Cosy evenings. Blankets on the sofa. Hot drinks. And being able to sleep without feeling as

Over the past year, conversations about weight loss medications have become much more common in my therapy room. Whether it's Mounjaro, Wegovy or another medication, these treatments are becoming part of many people's stories. What strikes me isn't the medication itself. It's what people believe it says about them. Some clients arrive feeling hopeful for the first time in years. Others feel ashamed that they're considering medication at all. Many tell me they're keeping it se

"I'll deal with it later." "I don't really want to think about that." "I've been meaning to make that phone call for weeks." "I just keep distracting myself." Most of us avoid things from time to time. Whether it's a difficult conversation, an uncomfortable emotion, or a task we'd rather not do, avoidance is a very human response. In many situations, it can even provide temporary relief. However, when avoidance becomes a regular way of coping with stress, anxiety, difficult

"Maybe I'm overreacting." "Perhaps I imagined it." "Everyone else seems to think they're right... maybe I'm the problem." These are phrases I hear regularly in the therapy room. Many people arrive feeling deeply uncertain about themselves. They no longer trust their own judgement, struggle to make decisions and apologise for things that aren't theirs to carry. Often, they don't realise there's a reason they feel this way. Sometimes that reason is gaslighting. What is gaslight

Let's face it, therapy has picked up quite a few myths over the years. For some people, therapy conjures up images of lying on a leather couch while a serious-looking therapist quietly nods and asks, "And how does that make you feel?" every thirty seconds. Others worry they'll be judged, made to cry, or expected to talk about things they'd rather avoid. The reality is much less intimidating (and usually far less dramatic than anything you've seen on television). So, let's bu

Artificial intelligence is becoming part of everyday life in ways many of us could not have imagined even a few years ago. People use AI to answer questions, write documents, organise their lives, learn new skills, and increasingly, to talk about their emotional wellbeing. As a therapist, I have noticed more clients mentioning AI in our sessions. Some use it to help organise their thoughts between appointments. Others use it as a journaling companion. Some turn to it late at

Finding Safer Ways to Cope With Difficult Feelings When someone struggles with self-harm, it is often because they are trying to cope with emotions that feel overwhelming, confusing, or too painful to hold alone. For many people, self-harm becomes a way of managing intense feelings such as anxiety, anger, shame, sadness, or emotional numbness. In those moments, the behaviour can bring a sense of temporary relief or release. Because of this, it is important to understand that