What Actually Happens in Counselling?

One of the questions I hear most often is: “So… what actually happens in counselling?”

And the honest answer is… it depends.

Counselling isn’t a one-size-fits-all experience. Different counsellors use different approaches (we call them “modalities”), and each of those approaches has its own way of working. I sometimes describe modalities like tools in a toolbox, a hammer is great for certain jobs, a screwdriver for others. None of them are “better,” they just do different things.

But while the tools might change, the heart of counselling is always the same, a safe, supportive space where you can be heard.

Let me give you a little picture of what it looks like if you were coming to see me.

Face-to-face sessions

If we’re meeting in person, I’ll ask you to text me when you arrive. I’ll pop down to reception, greet you, and we’ll take the lift up to the third floor where my room is based.

Many clients tell me, “Oh…. this isn’t what I expected.”

People often imagine counselling rooms as very formal or clinical. Mine definitely isn’t. It’s cosy sofas, soft lighting, cushions and throws. Somewhere you can hopefully breathe out a little.

The blankets are technically for clients… although I’ll admit I’m nearly always cold, so you might find me wrapped up in one too! I’ll offer you a drink when you arrive. Sadly, it’s not quite Costa, but I’m very happy to share a cuppa or offer a bottle of water. Small things, but they matter.

Sessions are an hour long. That’s partly because it makes my diary easier to manage, but mostly because I’ve learned that people need time to settle in. The first few minutes are often just about arriving, getting comfortable, and working out what you want to talk about.

And if I’m honest, being dyslexic means I’m not always brilliant at judging the time, so a clear hour keeps us both on track!

Online counselling

Of course, not everyone wants or is able to come in person.

When I work online, I use Zoom. I’ll send you an invite before the session so all you need to do is click the link when it’s time. What online counselling looks like is completely up to you.

Some people like the camera on because it feels more like sitting together. Others prefer it off because they feel more comfortable talking that way.

There is no rule.......

It is about what works for you!

Quite a few of my neurodiverse clients especially like knowing they can turn the camera on and off whenever they need to, and that is absolutely okay. You’re in control of your space and what helps you feel safest.

Online therapy might be from your sofa, your car on a lunch break, or a quiet room at home. Wherever you are, the aim is still the same, to create a calm, confidential space where you can talk freely.

So, what actually happens?

Whether we meet face-to-face or online, what we talk about in that hour is led by you.

Some people come with very specific things they want to work on. Others arrive saying, “I don’t really know where to start.”Both are absolutely okay.

There’s no script,

No right or wrong way to do it.

No single model that fits everyone.

Counselling is your time.

Sometimes we’ll talk about the past, Sometimes about what’s happening right now, Sometimes we’ll laugh, Sometimes we’ll sit with hard, uncomfortable feelings.

And sometimes we’ll just figure it out together, one step at a time.

That’s really what counselling is at its core, two people, in a room (or online), having honest conversations in a space that feels safe enough to be real.

If you’ve never had counselling before, it can feel a bit mysterious or even daunting. My hope is that this gives you a little glimpse behind the curtain. And if you’re thinking about starting counselling, but aren’t quite sure what to expect, you’re not alone. Most people feel that way.

You don’t need to have it all figured out before you come. In fact, you’re not supposed to. That’s what the space is for.