Untangling Feelings: When “I’m Fine” Isn’t the Full Story

trustinglisteningc
May 7
3 min read

Let’s be honest…..if emotions came with a user manual, most of us would have skimmed the first page, lost it somewhere under a pile of life admin, and carried on saying, “I’m fine.”

Or maybe, on a slightly more expressive day: “I’m stressed.”

Or the classic: “I’m just a bit tired.”

But here’s the thing, our emotional world is rarely that simple. “Annoyed” can be a cover story for disappointment. “Stressed” might be anxiety, overwhelm, pressure, or even fear dressed up in something more socially acceptable. And “fine”? Well… that one deserves its own investigation.

When Words Fall Short

Many people I work with tell me the same thing:

“I don’t really know what I’m feeling.”

Or, “I know something’s off, but I can’t explain it.”

And that makes complete sense. Most of us weren’t taught the language of emotions in any real depth. We learned the basics, happy, sad, angry, maybe nervous if we were feeling fancy, but that’s like trying to describe a full rainbow using only three crayons.

So, we do what humans do best, we simplify.

We label quickly.

We move on.

But emotions don’t always like being rushed.

The Magic of Looking a Little Closer

This is where something like the emotion wheel can be surprisingly powerful. At first glance, it just looks like a colourful chart (and yes, it does resemble something you might find in an art class). But once you start exploring it, something shifts.

People often pause and say things like:

“Oh… I’m not just angry… I’m actually feeling hurt.”

Or, “This isn’t just stress, it’s more like overwhelm mixed with a bit of fear.”

And that moment…that ohhh moment, is important. Because when we can name something more accurately, we can understand it better. And when we understand it better, it becomes a little less overwhelming.

“But I Still Can’t Find the Words…”

That’s completely okay. Words aren’t the only way into emotions.

In fact, sometimes they’re not even the best way, especially if you’re feeling stuck or disconnected.

Here are a few gentle ways to explore feelings without relying on perfect vocabulary:

1. Use Colour

If your emotion had a colour, what would it be?

Is it a heavy grey? A sharp red? A dull, foggy beige?

2. Think in Shapes

Is it spiky? Round? Swirling?

Does it feel contained, or like it’s spilling everywhere?

3. Notice the Body

Where do you feel it?

A tight chest? A knot in your stomach? Heavy shoulders?

Our bodies often know what’s going on before our minds catch up.

4. Try Metaphors

This is where things can get interesting (and sometimes a bit poetic).

Does your feeling resemble:

A storm building on the horizon?

A pressure cooker about to whistle?

A deflated balloon in the corner?

Metaphors give emotions texture. They help translate something abstract into something we can picture and relate to.

Why It Matters

You might be wondering, does it really make a difference if I say “frustrated” instead of just “annoyed”?

In short: yes.

Because emotions carry information. They’re not just random inconveniences, they’re signals. And the more clearly, we understand the signal, the better we can respond.

If you’re “angry,” you might push it away or react quickly.

If you realise, you’re actually “hurt” or “dismissed,” your response might soften. You might seek comfort, connection, or clarity instead.

That’s a very different outcome.

A Gentle Invitation

Next time you notice yourself saying, “I don’t know what I’m feeling,” see if you can pause….just for a moment.

You don’t need to get it “right.”

You don’t need the perfect word.

Just get curious.

Is it one feeling, or a mix?

If it had a colour, what would it be?

If it had a shape, what would it look like?

Sometimes, understanding our emotions isn’t about having the right answer. It’s about being willing to explore the question.