Change: Why We Resist It and Why It Can Be Good for Us

If there's one thing most human beings have in common, it's that we like certainty.

We like knowing where we're going, what we're doing, and preferably what the Wi-Fi password is before we arrive.

Yet life has a habit of ignoring our carefully crafted plans.

Jobs change. Relationships change. Children grow up. Friends move away. Health changes. Circumstances change. Even the local supermarket occasionally decides to move everything around just to keep us on our toes.

Whether we welcome it or not, change is one of the few guarantees in life.

And yet, many of us spend a surprising amount of energy trying to avoid it.

Why Do We Resist Change?

The simple answer is that change feels uncomfortable.

Our brains are designed to keep us safe, and one of the ways they do that is by preferring what's familiar.

Even when something isn't particularly good for us, familiarity can feel reassuring.

This is why people sometimes stay in jobs that make them unhappy, remain in unhealthy relationships, or continue habits they know aren't helping them.

It's not necessarily because they enjoy the situation.

It's because they know it.

The unknown, on the other hand, can feel risky.

Our minds often respond with a long list of "what ifs."

What if I fail?

What if I make the wrong decision?

What if things get worse?

What if I regret it?

What if I embarrass myself?

Our brains are incredibly creative when it comes to imagining worst case scenarios.

Unfortunately, they're often much less enthusiastic about imagining positive outcomes.

The Comfort Zone Isn't Always Comfortable

The phrase "comfort zone" sounds lovely, doesn't it?

It conjures images of cosy blankets, hot drinks, and absolutely no awkward conversations.

In reality, many people's comfort zones aren't particularly comfortable at all.

Sometimes they're simply familiar zones.

A person may be anxious, unhappy, stressed, or unfulfilled, but the thought of making a change feels even more uncomfortable than staying where they are.

As counsellors, we often see clients who know something needs to change long before they feel ready to act.

Part of the counselling process can involve exploring that gap between knowing and doing.

Learning to Be Comfortable with the Uncomfortable

One of the most valuable skills we can develop is learning to tolerate discomfort.

Not all discomfort is a sign that something is wrong.

Sometimes discomfort is a sign that we're growing.

Think about learning to drive. Starting a new job. Going on a first date. Speaking in public. Walking into your first counselling session.

Very few people describe these experiences as relaxing.

Yet they often lead to growth, confidence, and opportunities that wouldn't have been possible otherwise.

If we waited until we felt completely comfortable before trying something new, many of us would still be standing at the side of the swimming pool wondering if the water looked a bit cold.

Why Clients Sometimes Fear Change

A common misconception about counselling is that people seek therapy because they're eager to change.

In reality, many clients arrive feeling torn.

Part of them wants things to improve.

Another part feels frightened about what those improvements might involve.

For example:

Someone struggling with anxiety may know they need to face situations they've

been avoiding.

Someone in an unhappy relationship may know difficult conversations need to happen.

Someone experiencing burnout may recognise the need for stronger boundaries at work.

Someone with low self esteem may need to challenge beliefs they've held about themselves for years.

The desire for change and the fear of change often exist side by side.

That's completely normal.

Small Changes Can Have a Big Impact

When people think about change, they often imagine dramatic life transformations.

Quitting jobs. Moving house. Running marathons. Becoming a completely different person overnight.

Thankfully, meaningful change rarely works like that.

More often, it begins with small steps.

Going for a walk.

Saying no when you'd normally say yes.

Making a phone call you've been putting off.

Attending counselling for the first time.

Talking honestly about how you're feeling.

Small changes may not seem significant in the moment, but over time they can create profound shifts in wellbeing.

Much like planting a seed, the results aren't always visible immediately.

That doesn't mean growth isn't happening.

The Mental Health Benefits of Embracing Change

When we become more willing to embrace change, we often discover benefits that extend far beyond the original situation.

We can develop:

• Greater confidence

• Increased resilience

• Improved self esteem

• Better coping skills

• Stronger relationships

• A deeper understanding of ourselves

Perhaps most importantly, we begin to realise that we can cope with uncertainty.

And that's a powerful thing.

Many people spend years believing they won't be able to manage difficult situations, only to discover they're far more capable than they ever imagined.

Counselling and Change

Counselling isn't about forcing people to make changes they don't want to make.

It's about creating a safe space to explore what's holding them back, what they truly want, and what might be possible.

Sometimes the goal is making a significant life change.

Sometimes it's changing a pattern of thinking.

Sometimes it's learning to respond differently to situations that can't be changed at all.

Whatever form it takes, change tends to begin with awareness.

And awareness is often where counselling starts.

A Thought to Leave You With

Change can be uncomfortable.

In fact, if we're honest, it can sometimes be downright terrifying.

But staying exactly where we are isn't always comfortable either.

Growth often happens in the space between certainty and uncertainty, between familiar and unfamiliar, between what we've always done and what we're willing to try next.

You don't have to enjoy every moment of change.

Very few people do.

But you may find that the things you're most proud of, the lessons you've learned, and the confidence you've gained all came from moments when you chose to step into the unknown.

After all, a caterpillar probably wasn't entirely convinced about the whole butterfly idea at first either.