Why It Sometimes Feels Like There Are “Many Versions of You” (Because… There Kind of Are)

Have you ever found yourself thinking, “Part of me wants to go out… but another part of me wants to stay home in pyjamas and ignore everyone forever”?

Or perhaps: “I know I should handle this calmly… so why do I suddenly feel like I’m 12 again?”

If so, you’re not alone, and more importantly, you’re not confusing or “all over the place.”

You’re human.

In counselling, we often talk about “parts” of ourselves. Not in a dramatic, movie style way, but in a very normal, everyday sense. We all have different aspects of our personality that show up depending on what’s happening around us (and inside us).

Think of it less like something being wrong, and more like having an internal cast of characters some helpful, some protective, some… a bit dramatic.

So, what do we mean by “parts”?

Imagine your inner world as a small team.

There might be:

• The motivated, get it done part

• The tired, please let me rest part

• The inner critic (you know the one…)

• The playful, spontaneous part

• The anxious protector that tries to keep you safe by worrying about everything

And alongside these, there are three core “ages” or ways of being that many people recognise:

The child part

This is the part of you that holds your early experiences, emotions, and needs.

It can show up as:

• Playful, curious, and joyful

• Sensitive, vulnerable, or easily hurt

• Needing reassurance, comfort, or connection

This part might appear when you feel rejected, left out, or overwhelmed. It’s the part that just wants a hug, a kind word, or to be told, “You’re okay.”

Sometimes it’s also the part that gets excited about small things like a good cup of tea or a sunny afternoon. (Not all bad, then.)

The adolescent part

Ah, the teenager within still very much alive in many of us.

This part often carries:

• Strong emotions

• A desire for independence

• Sensitivity to fairness, belonging, and identity

• A tendency toward “No one understands me” moments

It might show up when you feel criticised, controlled, or misunderstood. It can be the part that wants to push back, shut down, or say, “Fine, I just won’t bother then.”

It’s also the part that holds passion, creativity, and a strong sense of self so while it can be a bit fiery, it’s also full of life.

The adult part

This is the part of you that can pause, reflect, and respond thoughtfully.

It helps you:

• Make decisions

• See the bigger picture

• Regulate emotions

• Care for yourself and others

When your adult part is present, you might notice a sense of steadiness like you can handle what’s in front of you, even if it’s not easy.

The challenge is… this part sometimes goes offline when things feel intense. (Very inconvenient, but completely normal.)

Why do these parts sometimes clash?

Because they want different things.

• Your child part might want comfort and reassurance

• Your adolescent part might want space or to push back

• Your adult part might be trying to keep everything balanced and sensible

So you end up feeling torn:“Part of me wants to speak up… but another part wants to hide… and another part is trying to write a polite email about it.”

No wonder it can feel exhausting.

The inner critic (yes, we need to talk about it)

Ah yes, the inner critic. The part that shows up uninvited and has a lot to say.

It might sound like:

• “You should be doing better.”

• “Why did you say that?”

• “Everyone else has it figured out.”

As harsh as it feels, this part often developed to protect you perhaps by trying to help you fit in, succeed, or avoid criticism from others. It just didn’t get the memo that its delivery could use a little softening.

(We can work on that.)

What happens in counselling?

Counselling offers a space to slow things down and gently get to know these different parts of yourself.

Rather than trying to “get rid” of the uncomfortable ones, we become curious:

• What is this part trying to do for me?

• Is this my child, adolescent, or adult part speaking?

• What does it need right now?

Something quite powerful happens when you start listening instead of fighting. Parts that felt overwhelming often soften when they feel understood.

A small shift that can make a big difference

Next time you notice a strong reaction, try adding a simple phrase:

“A part of me feels…”

For example:

• “A part of me feels really anxious about this meeting.”

• “A part of me wants to cancel everything and hide.”

• “A part of me is reacting like a teenager right now…”

This small shift creates space. It reminds you that this feeling is part of your experience not the whole of who you are.

And finally…

You’re not inconsistent.

You’re not “too much.”

You’re not broken.

You’re made up of many thoughtful, protective, hopeful, and sometimes slightly overenthusiastic parts all trying, in their own ways, to help you navigate life.

Counselling isn’t about silencing those parts. It’s about helping them work together a little more kindly (and maybe turning down the volume on the more shouty ones).

And yes, the part of you that read this whole blog and the part that skimmed it? They’re both welcome too.