More Support When We’re Feeling Anxious (Between the Big Waves)

When anxiety is more in the background (not at peak intensity), these can help build nervous system resilience over time.

Gentle Nervous System Care

• Regular meals and hydration

• Consistent sleep routine (even if imperfect)

• Reducing caffeine if anxiety is very high

• Predictable daily rhythms where possible

Boring? Maybe, Powerful for the nervous system? Very.

Build a “Calm Kit”

Having items ready can help when you’re thinking brain goes offline.

Ideas:

• Something cold (cool pack)

• Something textured (fidget, fabric)

• A grounding scent

• Comfort object

• Written reminder phrases

Think of it as support you prepared for future you.

Practice Skills When Calm(ish)

This part is deeply unfair but true:

Skills are easier to access under stress when they’ve been practised at lower anxiety levels.

Tiny practice counts:

• One grounding exercise a day

• One slow exhale now and then

• One moment of feet on floor awareness

You are building neural pathways, not performing.

 A Gentle Reality Check

Some strategies won’t work every time. Some will work once and then mysteriously stop. Some will feel pointless until the tenth try.

None of this means you are doing it wrong.

Your nervous system is adaptive, protective, and sometimes stubbornly creative in how it expresses distress.

If Today Was Hard

If all you did today was survive the wave of anxiety, flashbacks, or intrusive thoughts, that is not small.

That is your nervous system working incredibly hard to keep going.

And if you find yourself needing more support, working with a trauma informed counsellor can help you build a personalised toolkit that actually fits your body and your story.

You deserve coping strategies that feel human, compassionate, and realistic, especially on the days when everything feels like too much.

Anxiety Isn’t the Enemy: Why Facing Things (Gently) Helps Your Brain Feel Safer

Let’s talk about anxiety, that uninvited guest that shows up at the worst possible moments and absolutely refuses to read the room.

If you live with anxiety, you’ve probably heard some version of:

• “Just don’t think about it.”

• “Try to relax.”

• “Avoid what stresses you.”

And while those comments are usually well meaning… they can accidentally make anxiety stick around longer.

Because here’s the slightly annoying truth:

Avoidance often teaches the brain that the thing really is dangerous.

Not because you’re doing anything wrong, but because of how our nervous systems are wired to protect us.

Let’s unpack this gently.

First: Anxiety Is Trying to Help (Even If It’s Bad at It)

Anxiety is your brain’s alarm system. Its whole job is to scan for threats and keep you safe.

Sometimes it gets it right.Sometimes it… gets a bit overenthusiastic.

When anxiety fires, your body prepares for danger:

• heart races

• breathing changes

• muscles tense

• thoughts speed up

• urge to escape increases

Your brain is essentially saying:

“Hello. Something might be wrong. Shall we PANIC just in case?”

Helpful in actual danger. Less helpful when the “threat” is sending an email or walking into Tesco.

Why Avoidance Feels So Good (In the Short Term)

If something makes you anxious, avoiding it often brings immediate relief.

For example:

• Don’t open the email → anxiety drops

• Cancel the plan → body relaxes

• Leave the situation → nervous system settles

Your brain notices this very quickly.

It learns:

“Ah. We escaped. That must have been dangerous. Excellent survival work, team.”

And this is where the trap quietly forms.

The Anxiety Loop (You Are Not Imagining This)

Avoidance accidentally teaches the brain that the situation was a real threat.

Over time:

1. Anxiety shows up

2. You understandably avoid

3. Anxiety drops (temporary relief)

4. Brain logs: “Avoidance = safety”

5. Next time… anxiety comes back stronger or sooner

Rinse. Repeat. Very rude.

This is why anxiety can slowly spread into more areas of life, not because you’re weak, but because your brain is trying (a bit too hard) to protect you.

Why Facing Things Helps the Nervous System

When you gently face something anxiety provoking, and nothing terrible happens, your brain gathers new evidence.

It starts to learn:

“Oh… we survived that. Interesting.”

Over time, repeated safe experiences can help dial the alarm system down.

Important note (in bold, underlined, and with a gentle cup of tea beside it):

Facing things does NOT mean throwing yourself into the deep end while your nervous system is screaming.

We are not here for emotional shock therapy.

We are here for gentle, supported, step by step exposure.

The Sweet Spot: Gentle Stretch, Not Overwhelm

Think of anxiety work like stretching a muscle.

Too little stretch → no change, Too much stretch → injury Just enough → growth

Helpful questions to ask:

• What feels slightly uncomfortable but doable?

• What would be a 2/10 step, not a 10/10 leap?

• How can I support myself while I try this?

Examples of gentle facing:

• Opening the email but not replying yet

• Standing near the busy place before going in

• Staying in the situation for 30 seconds longer

• Sending the short message instead of the perfect one

Small, repeatable steps teach the nervous system far more than heroic one offs.

What to Expect (So Anxiety Doesn’t Gaslight You)

When you start facing fears, anxiety often:

• spikes at first

• feels loud and convincing

• tells you to abort mission immediately

This is normal. Annoying, but normal.

If you stay (even briefly) and the feared catastrophe does not occur, your nervous system slowly begins to update its predictions.

Not overnight, Not perfectly, But gradually.

Kind Things to Say to Yourself in Anxious Moments

Because the inner critic loves to grab a megaphone during anxiety.

You might try:

• “My body is trying to protect me.”

• “This feels uncomfortable, not dangerous.”

• “I can do this in small steps.”

• “I don’t have to do this perfectly.”

No need to force positivity, just gentle reality.

When Avoidance Is Actually Wise

Let’s be clear: this is not about forcing yourself into genuinely unsafe situations.

Avoidance is protective and appropriate when something is truly harmful.

The work is about noticing when anxiety has started labelling safe but uncomfortable things as threats.

Your nervous system isn’t broken, it’s just a bit overcaffeinated.

If Anxiety Has Been Running the Show for a While

If you’ve been living in anxiety mode for a long time, facing fears can feel exhausting or even impossible at first.

That makes sense.

Support can help enormously, whether that’s:

• working with a therapist

• having a trusted person alongside you

• building a gradual plan

• learning regulation skills first

You don’t have to white knuckle your way through this.

A Gentle Takeaway

Anxiety grows in the dark corners of avoidance. It softens when the brain learns, again and again:

“We went there… and we were okay.”

Not perfectly calm, Not fearless, Just okay enough.

And honestly? Okay enough is doing brilliant work.

If your anxiety has been loud lately, start small, Start kindly, Start with one tiny step your nervous system can tolerate.

You don’t have to silence the alarm overnight.

You’re just helping your brain slowly realise:

This isn’t actually a threat. We’re safe enough here