Let Them, Let Me: The Mindset That Changed How I Show Up
- trustinglisteningc
- Apr 1
- 2 min read
Have you ever felt completely drained from trying to manage other people, what they think, how they behave, how they respond to you?
I definitely have. And if I’m honest, I didn’t realise just how much energy I was giving away until I came across the “Let Them / Let Me” mindset, popularised by Mel Robbins.
Reading her work genuinely shifted something for me, not in a dramatic, overnight way, but in a quieter, more lasting sense. It gave me language for something I think many of us feel but don’t quite know how to articulate.
The Moment It Clicked
The idea itself is simple:
Let them do what they’re going to do.
Let me decide what I do next.
But when I first sat with it, I realised how often I was doing the opposite.
Overthinking other people’s actions
Trying to smooth things over
Wanting to be understood
Holding onto situations longer than I should
Reading this felt like permission to stop.
Not to stop caring, but to stop controlling.
What Changed for Me
Since I started applying this mindset, I’ve noticed a real shift in how I respond to situations.
When something feels frustrating or disappointing, I pause and think:
Let them be who they are
Let me choose what I do with that
Sometimes that means stepping back.
Sometimes it means having a clearer boundary.
Sometimes it simply means not taking something personally.
But every time, it brings me back to myself.
How I Now Share This With Clients
Because this shift has been so impactful, it’s something I naturally pass on to my clients too.
So many of the people I work with feel stuck in the same cycle I was in, trying to manage everything and everyone around them.
And this is often where we start.
Not with huge changes, but with a simple reframe:
You don’t need to control their reaction
You don’t need to fix their behaviour
You don’t need to carry what isn’t yours
Just: Let them, Let me.
It’s simple, but it opens up so much space.
A Practical Tool I Always Recommend
Another technique from Mel Robbins that I often share is the 5-4-3-2-1 method.
When you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or caught in your head:
5-4-3-2-1… and move.
I’ve used this myself more times than I can count, whether it’s starting something I’ve been putting off or pushing through a moment of doubt.
It’s such a small action, but it breaks the cycle of hesitation immediately.
Why I Keep Recommending Her Work
I often recommend her books because they’re practical in a way that actually fits into real life.
They don’t require you to overhaul everything or wait until you feel ready.
They just give you tools, simple, usable tools, that you can come back to again and again.
And for me, “Let Them / Let Me” has been one of the most grounding.
A Final Thought
This mindset hasn’t made life perfect, but it has made it lighter.
It’s helped me let go of things that were never mine to carry, and focus more on what is.
Let them be who they are.Let me choose how I show up.
And that, more than anything, has made all the difference.
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