When Your Therapist Goes on Holiday: Navigating Breaks in Therapy

trustinglisteningc
4 days ago
9 min read

Let's talk about something that many people in therapy think about, but don't always say out loud.

“How very dare my therapist have a holiday.”

If you've ever looked at your therapist and thought:

“Excuse me? You're taking two weeks off? At the exact moment I need you the most?”

You are absolutely not alone.

And yes, therapists do occasionally go on holiday.

I know. Outrageous.

Breaks in therapy can bring up all sorts of feelings. Some people barely notice them.

Others find them surprisingly difficult.

Some clients count down the days until their therapist returns.

Some suddenly discover a strong urge to cancel the session before the break.

Some cancel the first session when their therapist comes back.

And some spend the entire break thinking:

“I have absolutely nothing to talk about.”

…only to arrive back with enough material to fill a small novel.

Yes, really.

All of these reactions can be completely understandable.

Because therapy isn't simply an appointment in the diary.

For many people, it becomes an important, reliable relationship and a regular place of safety.

So what happens when that regularity is temporarily interrupted?

Why do breaks in therapy matter so much?

Therapy often becomes part of the rhythm of life.

Perhaps every Tuesday at 3pm, you sit in the same chair, drink the same cup of tea beforehand, and spend an hour focusing entirely on yourself.

For some people, it may be the only place where they feel truly heard, accepted or able to put down the mask they wear in everyday life.

So when a break is approaching, it's understandable that feelings might emerge.

Humans are wired for connection.

When someone who has become important to us is temporarily unavailable, our emotional brains can have plenty to say about it.

Usually quite loudly.

“But what am I supposed to do without them?”

“What if something happens while they're away?”

“What if I need them?”

“What if they don't come back?”

Or perhaps:

“Actually, I'm quite enjoying not having to talk about my feelings for two weeks.”

That one is allowed too.

“But I need them!”

One of the most common thoughts clients have is:

“This is exactly the wrong time for them to go away.”

And somehow, it always seems to be the wrong time.

You could have spent the previous six months coping beautifully.

Then your therapist announces they're going away for two weeks and suddenly your brain decides:

“Excellent. Now would be a really good time to have a complete emotional crisis.”

Of course, life doesn't politely pause while your therapist heads off to enjoy some sunshine, read a book uninterrupted, assemble flat-pack furniture they will immediately regret buying, or attempt to make their garden look like something they have seen on pinetrest.

Clients may feel:

Sad
Anxious
Angry
Abandoned
Worried about coping alone
Relieved
Irritated
Disappointed
Completely unaffected
Or several of these at once

Humans are wonderfully complicated like that.

“Why am I annoyed that you're going away?”

This can be one of the more uncomfortable feelings to admit.

You might understand perfectly well that your therapist is entitled to a holiday.

You might even be genuinely pleased for them.

And yet, somewhere inside, there may still be a small voice saying:

“Well, I'm not very happy about it.”

You might feel irritated.

You might feel disappointed.

You might even feel angry.

And then you might immediately feel guilty for being angry because, logically, you know your therapist has done absolutely nothing wrong.

This is where therapy gets interesting.

Feelings don't always follow logic.

And anger can sometimes tell us something important.

Perhaps being left has been painful in other relationships.

Perhaps you've experienced people becoming unavailable without warning.

Perhaps you learned that when someone leaves, they might not come back.

Perhaps you tend to hide disappointment because you've learned that expressing it isn't safe.

Or perhaps you simply really, really like your therapist and don't want them to go away.

It doesn't necessarily mean something is wrong.

It means there's something worth being curious about.

Cancelling the session before the break

This is something therapists sometimes see.

A client who has attended faithfully for months may suddenly decide they “can't make it” the week before the therapist goes away.

Sometimes there is a completely practical reason.

But sometimes cancelling can be a way of managing difficult feelings.

If your therapist is going away anyway, perhaps ending things one session earlier feels safer.

After all:

If you leave first, maybe it hurts a little less.

There can also be a sense of control in choosing the ending yourself.

This doesn't mean every cancellation has a hidden psychological meaning.

Sometimes you really are busy.

Sometimes the boiler has decided to explode.

Sometimes life is simply life.

But if you notice yourself wanting to disappear just before a break, it may be worth bringing it into the room.

Becoming extra chatty… or extra quiet

Some clients arrive before a break with a huge list of things they suddenly need to discuss.

It's almost as though they're trying to store up enough therapy to last until the therapist returns.

“Right, we've got 60 minutes. Let's go.”

Others become unusually quiet.

They may struggle to concentrate or find themselves thinking about the upcoming separation instead of what they originally intended to talk about.

Both responses can make sense.

Sometimes feelings about the break itself quietly take up more space than expected.

And sometimes there is something else underneath it.

Forgetting the break altogether

Another surprisingly common experience is genuinely forgetting that the therapist is going away.

The therapist gently says:

“Just to remind you, I'm away next week…”

And the client responds:

“Oh yes. I'd completely forgotten.”

Sometimes that really is just forgetfulness.

We all have enough passwords, appointments and laundry to remember.

But sometimes our minds do a little emotional housekeeping and put uncomfortable information in a mental drawer labelled:

“Deal with this later.”

And occasionally “later” arrives at the next session.

What if I don't miss my therapist?

This is important too.

Not everyone finds breaks difficult.

You might actually enjoy having a bit of space.

You might feel more independent.

You might appreciate having the opportunity to process things in your own time.

You might even feel relieved.

Perhaps therapy has been intense and you welcome the pause.

Perhaps you're beginning to feel more confident using what you've learned between sessions.

Or perhaps you're thinking:

“This is brilliant. I can finally spend an hour watching television without someone asking me how I feel.”

All of that is okay.

A therapeutic relationship isn't successful because you cannot cope without your therapist.

In fact, part of therapy is gradually developing your own ability to understand yourself, regulate difficult emotions and make choices independently.

The aim isn't to make you dependent on therapy.

It's to help you need it in the way that is right for you.

It's okay to miss your therapist

On the other hand, missing your therapist doesn't mean you're needy, dramatic or “too attached.”

It simply means that a relationship which has become meaningful to you is temporarily unavailable.

And relationships matter.

The therapeutic relationship is built around consistency, trust, acceptance and emotional safety.

It's entirely human to miss something that feels supportive.

You might find yourself mentally saving things to tell your therapist while they're away.

“I must remember to tell them about this.”

You might even rehearse the conversation in your head.

And then, when you finally return, you forget everything.

Naturally.

The human brain is marvellous.

What about attachment?

For some people, breaks in therapy can bring attachment feelings to the surface.

This doesn't necessarily mean you have an “attachment problem.”

It may simply give you an opportunity to notice what happens inside you when someone important becomes temporarily unavailable.

Do you:

Worry they'll forget about you?
Feel rejected?
Become angry?
Withdraw?
Pretend you don't care?
Want to cancel first?
Become especially eager to reconnect?
Assume you've done something wrong?
Feel completely fine?

There is no “correct” response.

What matters is becoming curious about your own.

Sometimes the way we experience a temporary separation in therapy can give us a window into how we've experienced separation, closeness and relationships elsewhere in our lives.

Why talking about the break can be helpful

Many clients worry that mentioning these feelings is silly, needy or embarrassing.

It isn't.

Therapy is one of the few places where you can say:

“I'm upset you're going away.”

“I'm angry that you're taking time off.”

“I'm worried I won't cope.”

“Part of me wants to cancel our last session before you leave.”

“I actually feel relieved you're going away.”

“I'm worried you'll forget about me.”

“I'm annoyed that I miss you.”

And you don't have to say any of it particularly elegantly.

You can simply say:

“I don't really know why, but this break is bothering me.”

That's enough.

These conversations can be incredibly valuable.

They can help us understand how we respond to separation, disappointment, uncertainty and emotional closeness.

And importantly, they give you the opportunity to experience something different.

You can have a difficult feeling about a relationship without the relationship falling apart.

You can be disappointed and still be cared for.

You can be angry and still be listened to.

You can express a need without being rejected.

Those experiences can be powerful.

Can breaks actually be helpful?

Surprisingly, yes.

Although breaks can be challenging, they can also offer opportunities for growth.

A pause in therapy can allow you to:

Reflect on what you've learned.
Practise using coping strategies independently.
Notice what you do when difficult feelings arise.
Recognise your own resilience.
Discover which strategies actually help.
Notice what you want to bring back into therapy.
Experience yourself managing without your therapist being immediately available.

Many clients return after a break thinking:

“I actually coped better than I expected.”

That's worth noticing.

Others return thinking:

“That was much harder than I thought it would be.”

That's worth noticing too.

Neither response is a failure.

Both give you useful information.

And then comes the return…

Sometimes the first session back can be surprisingly emotional.

You might feel relieved.

You might feel excited.

You might feel awkward.

You might have loads to talk about.

Or you might sit down and suddenly think:

“I have absolutely no idea what I was going to say.”

There can also be a strange feeling of needing to “catch up.”

You may have spent two weeks thinking about everything you wanted to discuss, only to arrive and realise that some of it no longer feels important.

That's okay.

Therapy doesn't have to be a perfectly organised presentation of your emotional life.

There is no PowerPoint.

No agenda required.

Sometimes simply noticing what it feels like to see your therapist again tells you something.

What happens if I struggle while they're away?

This is something worth talking about before a planned break.

Your therapist should be clear about what to do if you need support while they're away and what their arrangements are for contacting them, if any.

If you're struggling significantly, you don't necessarily need to wait until your next therapy appointment to seek help.

In the UK, you can contact NHS 111 for urgent mental health support where available in your area, contact your local NHS mental health crisis service, or speak to your GP.

If you are in immediate danger or believe you may seriously harm yourself or someone else, call 999 or attend A&E.

Knowing what your options are before a break can sometimes make the break feel much safer.

Therapists need holidays too

And now we come to the controversial part.

Therapists are, unfortunately, human.

We need sleep.

We need food.

We occasionally need to leave the house without carrying a notebook.

And yes…

We need holidays.

Shocking, I know.

Rest is part of being able to offer good therapy.

A therapist who never stops, never rests and never has a life outside the therapy room isn't necessarily providing better therapy.

Boundaries, rest and time away can actually help therapists return refreshed, present and able to offer thoughtful, compassionate support.

Although part of you may still want to say:

“Fine. Enjoy your holiday. I suppose.”

Preferably while rolling your eyes affectionately.

One final thought

If a break in therapy brings up strong feelings for you, you don't need to be embarrassed by them.

You don't have to decide whether they're reasonable.

You don't have to hide them because you think your therapist will think you're “too much.”

You can bring them into the room.

Sometimes the most useful therapy happens around the things we feel slightly ridiculous saying out loud.

“I was really angry that you went away.”

“I was scared you wouldn't come back.”

“I wanted to cancel before you left.”

“I didn't miss you at all.”

“I counted down the days until you returned.”

All of these can be useful conversations.

Because therapy isn't just about talking about what's happened in the past.

It's also about noticing what happens between two people in the present.

And sometimes, apparently, that includes the very serious emotional business of your therapist having the audacity to go on holiday.

They'll be back.